While this is a break from the kind of article I normally post, I want to use the next few posts to talk directly to parents, grandparents, and/or other guardians of students. For the majority of you readers who do not attend The Village Baptist Church, trust me when I say that your student’s Youth Pastor would probably LOVE for you to read and digest this!Things I Wish Every Parent Knew (Part One)
Parents Should Not Cut off Their Nose to Spite Their Face:
I don’t know how many times over the past 12 years I’ve spent in youth ministry that a parent has kept their student from attending church and/or youth functions as a means of punishment for their student, but if it’s been 1000 times, that’s 1000 times too many! Hands down! There is absolutely no “good” reason to keep a student from events where he is compelled to draw closer to God, invited to fellowship with other believers his age, and challenged and led by the Holy Spirit to make big and positive changes that will affect the rest of his life. Oh, I’ve heard the retort from parents, and it always goes something like this: “My child (did poorly in school, got an attitude with me, lied to me, or any number of things …you fill in the blank) and the ONLY thing he LIKES to do is go to youth events … so I have no choice but to punish him in this way!” That’s absurd!
I know students like I know the back of my own hand, and I know that they would HATE to lose their ipods, computer privileges, video games, television shows, and time with spent with friends at the mall, the movies, and elsewhere. “Oh, but my child is different,” some say. “She doesn’t do any of those things. She lives and breaths CHURCH and YOUTH activities!” Seriously, there must be SOMETHING that she does that you could manipulate in your efforts to train, reward, and punish. Does she like to read books? – Take them away. Does she HATE doing chores? – Assign double! Would she abhor the idea of you getting her teachers to sign daily forms concerning her completion of homework assignments? – Make it happen! You see, there is ALWAYS a list of things that could be done, but to keep a student away from church and youth events is like cutting off your nose to spite your face! While your intentions may be good, the detrimental affect this has on your student is far worse than you would ever want it to be! Not only does it send the wrong message to students (that you value some things more than you value God’s influence in their lives), but you play right into Satan’s hands, who would like nothing more than to get your student OUT of the church environment for good! There are some things that should be off limits when it comes to punishment: withholding your love, withholding basic necessities needed for life, and withholding spiritual influences that come from church, youth meetings, and the likes.
Moreover, because Satan is a master at what he does, I’ve often discovered that Satan has manipulated the timing of events to occur at precisely the wrong moments – where parents have kept their students from attending the very event that was most needed in that student’s life. For example, a few months ago, I was teaching a heartfelt and God-sent message at a Friday Tonic that was all about “respecting your parents” even when you vehemently disagree with them or don’t understand them. Many students came up to me afterwards and admitted that they had been challenged to give their parents respect and obedience (even if they felt it was undeserved), and some students asked me to pray personally with them, as they sought God’s forgiveness for the way they had been treating their parents. But wouldn’t you know there were a couple of student who missed the event because their parents refused to let them attend – as a means of punishment ….(brace yourself) for none other than “being disrespectful to the parents!”
Likewise, shortly after the school year began, I focused several lessons on time management, staying focused on your studies, drawing from God’s strength, and remembering to do ALL things (including boring school work) for the glory of the Lord. But of course a handful of students were unable to reap the benefits of any of these lessons, because they were already being punished for their early attempts to slack-off at the beginning of the school year. Chalk up the score: Satan – ONE, Parents and students – ZERO!
I’m not at all trying to say that students will always get that one particular message they need to hear the most if you opt to let them attend the youth meeting, but what I’m trying to get across to you (in general) is that God values your students more than you do (which is hard to believe, but very true), and he loves it when you give him the opportunity to minister to your students in a corporate setting and on a weekly basis without any form of punishment standing in the way. Incredibly dynamite things happen in the lives of students when this is the case! When God is given the utmost respect and focus, and when church and youth participation is not only allowed but encouraged, then students have every opportunity to devote their lives to God and follow him! Don’t you want that? – Then do away with punishments that put God in a box!
Hebrews 10:25 “Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing.” Notice that the verse doesn’t go on to say, “But parents, you can keep your students from meeting together at church and youth meetings when they disobey you. This is a great way to start a very healthy habit of missing church when other, more important things come up!”
